don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize