I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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