she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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