U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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