office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
