there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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