if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
