So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize