Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
