Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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