I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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