I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
we should paint friendship bongs
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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