I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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