So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
