she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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