there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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