Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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