Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
