You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
