I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my being single is dangerous.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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