She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
