what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
