he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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