apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
