on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize