we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
