I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
