My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
