The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize