you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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