I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
