I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I need to sanitize my soul.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
