I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
