look no pants
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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