i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
