You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
