I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
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