He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do vagina's smell?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
