I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
