I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
