the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
