Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
