Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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