Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Fuck appropriateness.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
