She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You need a sexual gate keeper
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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