Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize