he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
