just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize