My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
