that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
