I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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