Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
it glows. i had to have it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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