At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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