I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
