In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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