Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
