We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
