god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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