I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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