I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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