Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I forget how to act sober
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
